Tuesday, March 22, 2005

The Tiniest Breath

I remember right after I bought Alyssa home from the hospital, laying with her in our bed while she slept soundly and peacefully next to me. I woke up some minutes later, scared, wondering if she was still breathing. (Admit it, you other moms have done that too, irrational as it is.) So I put my ear close to her mouth and what I heard was a sweeter sound than any other. Something about listening to her breathe was so soothing, so peaceful it was hard for me to stop. For just a few seconds, my muscles relaxed and I took a deep breath. Even as I realized how tired I was, I somehow felt rejuvenated and warm all over listening to that precious little breath.

Well, I still listen to Alyssa's breathing every now and then after I lay her down to sleep. And it still soothes me, or it had up until last night.

Alyssa's gums decided to grow a whole bunch of teeth at one time and no matter what I try she can not seem to sleep through the night anymore. Last night, as I lay her down for the second time, my body bone-weary, I decided to see if the calming breath would help me again. I did not think that it would- I felt too far gone.

I gingerly laid her down in her bed and instead of quickly sneaking away like I usually do, I ever-so-gently put my ear near her mouth and listened to her regular, rhythmic breathing. I was instantly soothed and I offered up a prayer of gratitude to God along with a repentant heart for having grumbled and complained about getting up with her.

I prayed "Lord, I am so grateful to have this special little girl in my life, your creation that you have trusted into my care. Thank you Lord for giving her breath and thank you for giving me ears to hear and a heart to love her. You are an Almighty God, deserving of all praise and I rejoice in your name forever."

After that, I was on a roll, could not get back to sleep and went to work writing my women's coaching worksheets and prayers. When she woke up again, I went with a grateful (although admittedly tired) heart to put her back to sleep again.

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