Saturday, May 07, 2005

My Road to Motherhood-Part 1

I have had in on my heart to write about my experiences of becoming a wife and mother and how those experiences altered my relationship with God and were affected by my relationship with God. After writing out an extended updated version a few days ago, I felt unsure about posting it for 2 reasons: 1.I thought it was too long and 2.I was not sure that anyone would really want to read it. After all it is my very personal story, probably not very controversial or exciting.

But, I have felt the urging to post it. I have ignored it until today. Kim over at AHA commented that she liked my blog but she wished I would say more about my personal homeschool. I have been feeling more like sharing more of that as well but I feel my current life might be better presented against the backdrop of my former life.

So, here goes...

I found out the other day that a young person I know, a college graduate in her early twenties, was pregnant. She was somewhat hesitant to tell me as she was not planning this pregnancy because she does not feel ready for a baby. I started to remember how I was when I was in my twenties. I was so much like many of the young women I meet today. I was scared of the restrictions and losses that would accompany motherhood. I put it off. "I've got more important things to do right now-school, career, making money. Starting a family can wait." I reasoned. I did not consider any other way.

Yet at the same time, I spent my adult years searching. I was searching for peace, fulfillment, purpose and happiness. This quest occupied much of my time outside of my training and career. Underwhelmed by my church experiences after high school, I had become a sidelined Catholic, a fairly common occurrence. So to the New Age bookstores I fled, chasing after the latest, greatest fad that would fill me with what was missing.

You know what was missing? It was not Yoga or Gregorian chants. It was not creative visualization or Native American drumming. It was not wind chimes or deep breathing. The answer came as a shock to me. No, what was missing was the very thing I had learned was taboo for a modern woman to admit longing for- a commitment to serve those outside of myself by fulfilling the womanly roles of wife and mother that God designed me to excel in achieving.

What? Find fulfillment in service? Become happy by becoming a wife and mother? I was incredulous! I began finding my way back to the God of my childhood in my quest for clarity on this issue and the Truth I had been seeking. My Father in Heaven, who had never left me said "Yes my child. It is true what you have discovered. Now you know your true destiny."

Read more in my next post next time.

Happy Mother's Day everyone!

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