Monday, May 16, 2005

My Journey to Motherhood- Part 3

This post continued from Journey to Motherhood Part 2 here. Read Journey to Motherhood Part 1 here.

I knew it was God's will for me to start a family. The very important missing piece, however, was a husband. I prayed and prayed for God to send me the "perfect husband". Nothing happened. I prayed some more for God to send me the man of my dreams, my knight in shining armor. Still no results. (well, no one appropriate anyway).

I became more assertive. I let everyone know that I was looking. I went on blind dates. I even tried the personals! With every date, I felt I was moving further and further away from finding a suitable marriage partner.

God seemed silent. "How could you set me up like this!" I cried out to God. He had flamed my fires of desire for starting a family and was encouraging me to become a wife and mother. How could he refuse to send me a husband? Disappointed and dejected, I finally did exactly what God had been waiting for me to do: I gave up and gave it to all to him. I fully surrendered all of my dreams of my idea of a perfect husband to him. I really completely gave up. I prayed "God, I have no idea what to do or where to go. Do what you will with me and my relationships. My worldly efforts have failed. You take over now."

God spoke into my heart that I had it all wrong. I had been focused on finding the husband who met all of my needs. I had completely ignored the fact that I was to provide something to my future husband as well. I had not even considered taking the time to be sure I was the woman that would make a ma a good wife. I was only focused on finding a good husband to supply my needs. God wanted to send me a husband and children not just for my happiness but for my spiritual growth in Christ.

My prayers changed. I prayed "Forget all the requirements I was looking for in a husband. I trust you Lord. You choose him and I will follow. Just give me the wisdom to recognize him when he comes and make me a good wife and mother. Send me a family that will challenge me to grow."
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